S1Ep3 | Amy - Have I Made The Biggest Mistake Of My Life? IVF, Melanoma, Psychiatric Unit, Shame, Complex Mother-Daughter Relationships
Content warning: This episode includes open discussion of postnatal depression, suicidal thoughts, and psychiatric hospital admission. Please take care of yourself as you listen. Support resources are listed at the bottom of this page.
This week I sit down with Amy, and it’s a big one.
Amy's road into motherhood started long before she was pregnant. Endometriosis and adenomyosis shaped her decisions about when and how she would try to conceive, and she eventually fell pregnant through IVF. Then, while she was pregnant, she was diagnosed with a melanoma that had to be removed, which meant undergoing surgery while carrying her baby. It's a wild story to listen to, and Amy tells it with extraordinary clarity.
But the heart of this conversation is what came after. Amy's first twelve months were rocky, and she speaks with real honesty about the mental health of becoming a new mother: what it feels like when the transition is that hard, and what happens when the support you need isn't there to catch you. She talks openly about postnatal depression, about suicidal thoughts, and about being admitted to a psychiatric hospital with her baby.
We also go somewhere I've wanted to go on this podcast for a while, our complicated relationships with our own mothers, and how that history quietly shows up in the way we mother. It's a thread I think a lot of women will recognise in themselves.
This is a heavy episode. If you're not in the space for it today, that's completely okay - skip it, come back to it later, or leave it.
But if you are ready, I hope you find something in it. So much of what Amy describes carries shame with it, and shame thrives on silence. My hope is that hearing her say it out loud makes another woman feel less alone, and reminds us that help exists, and that there are people whose whole job is to help us through it.
Support
PANDA — Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia. A national helpline specialising in supporting new and expecting parents. 1300 726 306
Lifeline — 24/7 crisis support. If you need to speak to someone right now. 13 11 14
Both are Australian services. If you're outside Australia, please reach out to your local crisis line or your GP.
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Be a guest on the podcast - https://www.bymothering.com/guest-submission
Music for Mothering was created by Christina Higham, post classical composer, pianist and collaborator based in Melbourne/Naarm.
Find out more about Christina here: https://www.christinahighammusic.com/about.
And listen to her music on Spotify here: https://open.spotify.com/artist/1417raofJQL3dwDIBXsEJ9.
Follow Mothering on Instagram: @bymothering
Thank you for listening!
- Carli xx